Break the Cycle with Me

Before I begin, I would like to apologize for the quality of this blog post. I can assure you that it will be kind of crappy for many reasons. I REALLY need sleep.. and.. yeah thats it actually. I am so exhausted that my eyes are crossing. But I had to share this before I went to sleep. Once a week, i take part in "d-group". It's basically a bible study... a group of wonderful, sweet, and Godly girls that are so inspiring, lead by some amazing women who are excellent examples of what kind of women God wants us to be. I feel extremely lucky to be a part of this, and I want to share something with you all. We are reading a book called "So Long Insecurity", written by Beth Moore. Tonight, we had "quiet time"... about 30 minutes off by ourselves. Just us and God. We were given about a 3 page packet to take with us. It was a prayer out of the book... written by Beth Moore. I went to sit down in my own little corner of the house; blanket, bible, packet, and pencil in tow. As soon as I read it, I knew it was God speaking to me. Some of these things were so relevant to my situation that I felt like I was reading my own words. It was like His little way of saying that it was all going to be okay. That I was forgiven. That He loved me still. It was exactly what I needed to hear. So reassuring. It evoked so many emotions, and basically just gave me so much hope in my situation. I'm going to stop blabbing now and share this with you. These are the parts that really spoke to me (the parts that I underlined). The colored, bold, and italicized parts are just some favorites of the favorites.. So, here you go. I hope this helps someone like it helped me.



"Dear God, I am willing to do whatever it takes to be free and allow You to do through me what I cannot do for myself. You know what shuts me down. You know how driven I am by fear and how exhausted I am from surrendering to it. Your desire is for me to be free of every unhealthy motivation. Reveal any place they reside uncontested in me and supply the courage that I need to refuse to do their bidding. I am safe with You and loved by You. Because of Your grace, I can come to You just as I am. As you reveal yourself to me, I ask that you also mercifully reveal myself to me. Grant me insight to patterns I've developed, and give me answers that bring healing. I ask You, Lord to help me take responsibility for the insecurity that is my own doing. My own fault. My own sin. Forgive me for being so fixated on what I don't have that I leave the gifts You've given me undeveloped and much less effective than You have intended them to be. Forgive me equally for every time I've sighed with relief at the thought that I might be superior after all. You know what first frightened me into believing that no one and nothing could be trusted and that I'm on my own out here in a very unsafe world. You know where I developed a belief system based on the frailities of man instead of the bedrock of You. Touch every broken and wounded place with Your healing hand. Lord, empower me to forgive those who have let me down, failed to protect me, or inflicted injury upon me. Help me to see them as needy, broken people in their own right, and Lord, where there is still life and opportunity, bring redemption to those relationships. Help me to understand the gravity of this juncture: that if I do not seek healing and wholeness, I will instead end up perpetuating the cycle of injury. Break the cycle with me, O Lord. Break the cycle with me. Lord, come and treat my heart and soul where they have been shattered by loss. No one on earth can esteem the loss of something precious the way You can. You know the pain. You know my attempt to fill the void with things that never suffice. You know how my feelings frighten me and how the enemy of my soul would have me believe that I will never be okay. Make a liar of him, Lord. Do not let him win. Do not let loss win. Be my strength in weakness. Help me to see any place in my life where I'm hanging onto my grief or anger in an attempt to hang on to what I have lost. Where I've lost innocence, grant me integrity. Where I've held someone responsible for my loss, grant me the ability to forgive. Lord, help me to learn how to hang on tight to You when my life is rocked by dramatic change. Empower me to trust You and not to panic or fight for control. Help me to stop confusing a change in my circumstances to a change in my security status. You are my security, O God. You are the one sure thing. When everything around me shakes, You are unshakable. Increase my appreciation of the ONLY ONE who is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Nothing is without purpose. Every gift, challenge, and obstacle is meant to shape the destiny you ordained for me before time began. Please deliver me from self pity and a life of excuses and rationalizations. Of all things, please don't let it be said that I loved myself too much to fully love anybody else. Please don't let me gain the whole world and lose my soul. Father, help me to see where I am overly sensitive and where i put too much pressure on relationships. Help me to see where I insist on making a situation all about me. Help me to cease being so easily wounded, but at the same time, keep me from being hardened. Help me to realize that it's pointless to demand that others love me more or love me better. I cannot put a human incharge of my security without setting him or her up for certain failure. Help me to stop using a person as my mirror and start seeing myself as You alone see me. No one and nothing can take my dignity away from me now because You are the One who gave it. Help me to realize that I've only lost my dignity because I have surrendered it. Because of YOUR MERCY, Lord, I am no fool. Only a wise woman shifts her trust to you. In Jesus's saving and delivering name, Amen."