Past My Bedtime.

Once again, I cannot sleep. I have so much on my mind. These are the times that I'm grateful for this little thing called blogging. I consider myself to be an acceptionally smart person. I make good grades, have a decent GPA, a little bit of common sense... all that. If you think about how much a brain can hold, I sure do know alot of stuff. I understand alot of stuff. But you know what I have never understood? Why people leave. It is just the saddest thing to me when people that you know become people that you knew. When people that you love become people that no longer love you. When somebody that you used to spend so much time with won't even look you in the eyes. When somebody that you trusted became someone that broke every promise that they ever made to you.. and when somebody that you thought was rock solid walked right out of your life without a second thought. I hate seeing a single mother with her baby. I hate hearing my friends cry over someone that they thought would never let them down. I try relentlessly to understand why people do that. Why they leave the people that love them the most. Maybe it's because they're scared. Maybe it's because they just don't want to deal with it. And maybe they don't even have a reason. I have come to realize that people don't know what they want. And for those of us that do, once we get it, we don't want it anymore. It hurts so much to be left... but you can't always blame one person. Sometimes it's a joint thing... a team effort. You can't point fingers. I will never be able to explain to my friends why the people that they loved left them and I will never be able to fully understand why we do the things that we do. Why we want what we do. Somtimes people leave... (and i know i'm going to sound so cliche here, but hear me out..) but maybe they're just making room for something better. Maybe those things will leave, too... but life is messy. I think thats how we're made. We love each other, leave each other, and learn from each other. All you can do is live, try to keep your faith, love regardless of your pain, and trust that it will all be just fine in time.