My Ever Present Spotter

When I used to cheerlead, I took tumbling classes. For those of you that don't know what tumbling is, it's much like gymnastics. Actually, it's gymnastics.. minus the vault and the balance beam. We did things at tumbling like you'd see cheerleaders do at pep rallies: Back handsprings, back tucks, whips, etc. I loved to tumble. When I was frustrated, I tumbled it out. When I had a bunch of nervous energy, I tumbled it out. There were things about tumbling that scared me, though. I hated standing back handsprings. More than anything. A standing back handspring is when you stand up straight, and just go into a handspring. Backwards. No round-off first. No running first. The first time I ever tried it, I fell. Flat on my back. I couldn't breathe and I was terrified. I hurt for days. After that, I usually had a spotter when I did it. (A spotter is the person who stands beside/behind you while you flip. They're basically there to make sure that you don't die.) Not that I needed one. I was just so terrified that I would land on my head, crack my neck, and die. Right there on the blue tumble floor. Or that I'd hurt myself again, just like the last time. I could do it. I knew I could. I could do everything else in the book, just not this. I just didn't trust myself. I didn't trust my spotter with my safety. I would say, "Ben, are you there?" He always was, but I was so uncertain. I would start to jump backwards, and then stand up and say, "I'm scared. I can't do it." There was something about just jumping. Just going for it. Not being able to see behind you... not being able to see the person who was helping you. I'd just stand there. And my instructor would say, "I'm here, Steph. Trust me. Jump." And I would, and when I did, I always ended up fine. No broken bones, no concussion, nothing.

I quit tumbling when I quit cheerleading. Almost 2 years ago. But even now, I find myself in this situation. Not the exact one, of course... but it applies. I've been dealing with alot for the past couple of weeks. I've been so unsure about where I am, where to go from here, and If I should jump or not. I've been standing here afraid of what might happen to me if I jump. Will I just get hurt again? Am I alone in this? What if I fall? Should I just give up? My dilemma is this: How do I let go of how I was hurt and try to move forward? How do I trust my spotter when I'm hurting like this? I'm so weary. So tired. But I can't give up on myself. I cannot give up on what God has in store for me. He is the ever present spotter. I hear him saying, "I'm here, Steph, Trust me. Jump." I may fall sometimes, but He will always pick me back up. He will always help me move forward from even the most heart breaking past. It hurts to look back. There is so much that I wish I could change. But my future is so promising. So I choose to jump. I choose to trust Him, and I choose to move forward so that I can feel the glory that is promised to me. And my spotter.. He keeps all His promises.


“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” -Matthew 11:28-30